my parents speak Chinese. They are proud of their heritage. I wasn't
Since growing up, always felt everything chinese was OBIANG or OR BIT CHA CHA.
grew up in Dunman High. Sure didn't help with the Chinese orchestra or the Lion Dance. It was rather communist - collectivity above individualism, ascetism above materialism, strict adherence rather than a discussion. It also clamped down anything non Buddhist.
Felt the Chinese culture was always restrictive. Always protective. Inward looking. And certainly unexciting. What stuck was the school's motto "Cheng3 Xing4 Yong3 Zhong1" - honest, trustworthy, courageous and loyal.
Thought going to RJ would help. But it was a shock. It was rampant individualism. The individual above the group. It was exhibitionistic. Money talks. Money wins. Ability shouts. Ability controls.
Somewhere along those lines after all these years I found a route. Sure, it was hard growing up in those environment where I never fitted in. As hard as I tried or perhaps tried not to.
Like fusion cuisine - taking the best from both worlds. And creating a new flavour. A new taste.
Having roots. Being proud of my heritage and inheritance. Having values that are valiant and courageous. Loving the country. Being loyal. Living in the community yet also allowing the individual to shine. Daring to try. To break out of a group mindset to conquer and win. To shine. Adding on Christian values of living as stewards, not lords. This is how I want to live. A Christian Fusion Chinese. Yumz.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
new winds
new winds are blowing across china.
winds of change.
was glad to see china - BJ and SH at this time.
to see a nation and its people transitioning.
to see the hunger for progress. the strife to "be like everyone else" (provided that they are affluent)/
to see the old glories. the past humiliation. the current stride forward.
to see a nation racing economically but crawling environmentally, socially and politically.
to see a people who are afraid to trust. foreigners, neighbours, even themselves. to see rural migrants who are homeless in the big city. to see people who got rich quick and spend like there's no tomorrow.
to see a nation so rich in history, make history again. Is exciting.
winds of change.
was glad to see china - BJ and SH at this time.
to see a nation and its people transitioning.
to see the hunger for progress. the strife to "be like everyone else" (provided that they are affluent)/
to see the old glories. the past humiliation. the current stride forward.
to see a nation racing economically but crawling environmentally, socially and politically.
to see a people who are afraid to trust. foreigners, neighbours, even themselves. to see rural migrants who are homeless in the big city. to see people who got rich quick and spend like there's no tomorrow.
to see a nation so rich in history, make history again. Is exciting.
a new phase
find myself in a very interesting phase. can't seem to even describe it.
New. Many new things. Desires of heart coming to pass. Afraid too, to pick up some new tasks.
Commercial. People. Personal art space. Balance on tight rope. Basket full, which fruit to peel first? Which seed to plant first?
Old friends. new friends. Old colleagues. New colleagues.
Fun. Yet disorientating at times.
A constant evolving.
New. Many new things. Desires of heart coming to pass. Afraid too, to pick up some new tasks.
Commercial. People. Personal art space. Balance on tight rope. Basket full, which fruit to peel first? Which seed to plant first?
Old friends. new friends. Old colleagues. New colleagues.
Fun. Yet disorientating at times.
A constant evolving.
words that ring
got a really close friend who speaks truth into my life - its amazing how his words ring. the words are just lifted by God and placed in my heart. to search motives. to bring about positive change. glad for him, glad for those words.
of which one of them was
> to expect trouble
> to handle discomfort
and to change, be strong in the midst of it. Sure helps. As a dear speaker, Quek Peck Hong says... expect trouble and pain because the world is unrighteous and imperfect. Simple as it is. Takes me a long while to accept it. Idealist. Perfectionist. Utopic notions I have. Think i'm longing for heaven! More so, to see my friend live the life he preaches. not by his own power, but by a higher power. inspires me.
tk you my friend.
of which one of them was
> to expect trouble
> to handle discomfort
and to change, be strong in the midst of it. Sure helps. As a dear speaker, Quek Peck Hong says... expect trouble and pain because the world is unrighteous and imperfect. Simple as it is. Takes me a long while to accept it. Idealist. Perfectionist. Utopic notions I have. Think i'm longing for heaven! More so, to see my friend live the life he preaches. not by his own power, but by a higher power. inspires me.
tk you my friend.
renaissance - shanghai nights
feel a restoration. a new love for music all over again.
feel the tingling, the haunting, the longing in the music. where musical notes skid over the soul like ripples in the water.
i feel a new connection with my senses. perhaps this awakening comes from video editing - where you need to get in touch with the ebbs and flows, the rhythm of visuals and audio. watching yo yo ma and diana krall live in concert too i supposed. and also the making of toy story, LOTR etc... hehz.
been playing the guitar. having new songs. been playing the piano. feeling for the music. remembering the words and expressions from my piano teacher - miss Yip. who taught me not to pass exams but have a love for music. she developed in me an appreciation for the lives of the composer, the principles behind music, the analogies, the literature in music, to listen to nuances, to anticipate, to spot patterns, to feel. She imparted a whole new world. Certainly did not appreciate all of that or understood that when i was a teenage. but now i do. now i feel what she was trying to share. wow.
was playing some old scores - could feel the music coming through. the techniques she taught me - to flow, to express, to evoke, the dialogues i can hear now within the music. Its almost magical. What was mechanical in the past, now are alive! What was a chore then, is now pleasure. What a change.
Maybe its also the new freedom I've been experiencing inside. When the butterfly comes out to play - amongst the flowers, in the garden, safe to express its beauty, free to admire others. Free to fly. Flutter, fly, soar.
Maybe its also a soothing of the soul. An outlet for pain. An outlet for words that can't be expressed. Maybe that's why Saul asked David to play the harp.
I feel like Shanghai. Lived. Died. Not live again.
Shanghai nights. Reliving. A new glory.
feel the tingling, the haunting, the longing in the music. where musical notes skid over the soul like ripples in the water.
i feel a new connection with my senses. perhaps this awakening comes from video editing - where you need to get in touch with the ebbs and flows, the rhythm of visuals and audio. watching yo yo ma and diana krall live in concert too i supposed. and also the making of toy story, LOTR etc... hehz.
been playing the guitar. having new songs. been playing the piano. feeling for the music. remembering the words and expressions from my piano teacher - miss Yip. who taught me not to pass exams but have a love for music. she developed in me an appreciation for the lives of the composer, the principles behind music, the analogies, the literature in music, to listen to nuances, to anticipate, to spot patterns, to feel. She imparted a whole new world. Certainly did not appreciate all of that or understood that when i was a teenage. but now i do. now i feel what she was trying to share. wow.
was playing some old scores - could feel the music coming through. the techniques she taught me - to flow, to express, to evoke, the dialogues i can hear now within the music. Its almost magical. What was mechanical in the past, now are alive! What was a chore then, is now pleasure. What a change.
Maybe its also the new freedom I've been experiencing inside. When the butterfly comes out to play - amongst the flowers, in the garden, safe to express its beauty, free to admire others. Free to fly. Flutter, fly, soar.
Maybe its also a soothing of the soul. An outlet for pain. An outlet for words that can't be expressed. Maybe that's why Saul asked David to play the harp.
I feel like Shanghai. Lived. Died. Not live again.
Shanghai nights. Reliving. A new glory.
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