i want to see the sunrise

i took this photo of a rare sunset i get to catch in sing - actually seeing the sunset.

boy... it's been tough months... esp intense for the last 3 months, more so over the last half a year. I want to see the sunrise again. I want to see brighter days...

hippety hippoty hop

did hip hop dance class today. ha ha. haven't done that for years.

was fun. grin.

I dun think i'm dance material, I ain't got it. Nevertheless, it was a great work out. Esp the abs. I love feeling good post exercise. Especially since the day was so demoralising. ha.

I'm gg back!

Argh... time to sleep.... .... ..... ...... .....

Move.

Feels strange. I'm actually moving in a few weeks time. The first time I feel a tug. I've stayed 20 years in my current place! And its gg to be my 10th anniversary of moving house. haha.

Quite fun to see the house in raw state - messy, broken, yet with the hope that one day, it'll look great. Maybe that's how God sees us. Not the WIP but the future glory.

Bittersweet.

(bitter IKEA coffee and ultra sweet Swedish Almond Custard Cake)

Just caught a bit of chic eats on Discovery Travel and Living - where this special tea is brewed - half of the cup is hot, the other cold.

Hmm... jolted the thought that life is bittersweet. A close friend gave me Royce chocolate for my birthday - along with a sms that says with God, "life's situations may be bitter on the label; and bitter on the first taste. But definitely sweet in the end." Hmm... the chocolate certainly tasted good. I'm seldom a fan of dark chocolate. But this one is an exception - it was brilliant! Superb!

Was reading "Annie Hall" given by another good friend (who is always so encouraging) and the beginning dialogue brought out this whole bittersweet element again. Learning... I sometimes view the world black or white; or just see the dark and bad side of things that I can't see the good or recall the blessings. Need to shift. Want to be an optimistic realist, not an optimistic pessimist.

Yeah... life is bittersweet. It's a mixture of good and bad. Myself, people, systems, organisations, families etc etc... Never perfect now, just a mixture. I really don't want to grow up being cynical, bitter, angry, upset, pessimistic. I want to be tender, loving, gracious, humble, optimistic yet grounded.

Yeah... like my new workplace gives me stability and a team, yet sometimes i can't control hours or workflow. Yeah... like picking up piano is good, but it also means I need to practice.

Yes yes... better get sleeping... woke up early this morning to send a dear uncle off ... I love driving to the airport - just love singing, praying and the privacy. Love it! Walking on... ...

random

I like to blog. Brings some form of sanity and stability.

Finally bought Hoops and Yoyo! Been wanting to purchase that for a long time. Grin. The colours are the colours of my room. Hmm... I must line my toys up and see if I need to purchase another wooden plank for them. Oh yes... and also PINK paint! Hee. Maybe I should buy some retro vintage textile tomorrow... The joys of online shopping. ha! maybe a vintage sesame street teeshirt or Cd? heh...

anyway... I'm mulling over my loss of personal time. Was in office about 10 hours today. Should be sleeping soon. Well... I packed in some piano time and some email time and some surfing time and some blogging time.

Glad to bump into people today... and also have Steven pop by to the office. Brought some joys. Didn't realise Nescafe Latte is quite nice. Good of Steven to get that for me. Sure needed it. Looked like a panda this morning.

Okies... I think I better sleep in if not I'd risk looking like one again.

Let me think of retro textiles and what else to buy online... ...

time to sleep

Gotta sleep soon - another thing I'm getting used to.

It has really been HARD getting used to work. I miss my friends. There are a few friends I really want to meet up. But time is not as free or abundant.

Today sermon rocks. Wah. It really is such a faith lifter. Such a sober wake up call. Thankful. Taking responsibility is something God's been saying. Wow. Such a step into adulthood. Human beings are so good at blaming, seldom do we arise and be strong, be decisive and choose. And fall by our decisions. I need to excercise that. And not make excuses or blame. I need to.

Living out 29 going on 30 - really am faced with new issues that I have to tackle. And let go. There's a pressure to have achieved something by this age. I really struggle with that because I feel that I had not. Am asking myself hard questions - is my value tied to my achievments? What or who is fighting for? What am I building? What is my aim? What do I want to see?

I like what my friend wrote:

my point here is that we don't exactly need to work hard to be someone. rather we work hard and work to the best based on who we already are. trying to be someone or somebody else apart from who you already are... is just going to put you in some sorta pursuit.... for whatever it maybe... but if we ourselves don't even believe in ourselves on where we start off from... what's there to work on?

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Okay okay... I am going to sleep because I have to work tomorrow. *ting* *one point for growing up*

17

Just bought another copy of Seventeen. I think I must be a rare-close-to-30 year old who buys a magazine for teenagers. Then again - they are the only ones that have funky, cutesy, quirky accessories and fun clothes. And... they have a D.I.Y. segment which I love - stirs my imagination and love for craft. And... they dare to showcase FUN colours & hunts down flea markets and what nots! Yay! Preps my up reading it. Of course I skip the "what do boys think of gals whatever whatever" type of articles. Like Elle for their articles. Intelligent. Hate the Her World and Female ones. Oh well...

Had a rough day and a tough week til today. Feel like escaping. And being just 17. Glad I surfed and blogged. MISSED that the whole week. Heh... am gg to buy Hoops and YoYo toys for my new room!!! Yay yay yay!!! Ha. I think I better sleep. Hope to catch a swim tomorrow before hitting office. Had been at office til past midnight for the last two days. Gg in tom at 12. Yay!

Transit Rambles

ok ok... i must admit this transition is getting more difficult than I thought.

Argh.... I really am struggling to sleep better & earlier - realise I dun sleep easily. The only time I remember sleeping easily was in Australia - almost every night was hit the sack and zzzz... perhaps I was not worrying. Do I think too much? yes. Do I feel too much? Yes even more. Need to relax and rest.

Sigh... really am not used to having a boss... hate being told otherwise or advised otherwise. Feel stupid. Feel spoken down. Sigh. I need to be less proud. It really is difficult switching careers - i think i think about going back to marketing 1 million times a day.

Eeeks... had to go back to work today. Am so NOT used to not getting extra money by working extra hard. For the last two years - money was more directly tied to time. Or at least I could see a more direct correlation. Want to earn more- want to have money for piano classes, dance classes, gym membership, insurance payments, movies, give to the poor more etc etc. Is it really impossible?

Its already 1am. BAH. Time really steals by. I still want to play my piano, write to people and still wake up in time tomorrow. Angry. Frustrated. Dun understand life. Or rather dun want to live within its limits. Sigh, do I really have to? Must I grow up? Can't I be a toys'r'us kid?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy birthday to me

I'm turning another year older tomorrow. In a matter of fact, just 1 hour and 20 mins away. ha.

Glad. Been tussling with some fears about the future. Today, somehow, they came to a resolution today via a good friend/mentor who came by. He said about his life - how he felt he was in the centre of the will of God. Therefore he does not need to worry about the now or future. Bingo. Right smack what I needed to hear. And found a clearer direction of where to head - was really bugged for days.

New year, new dreams. I want to shake off the dust and rise. I'm looking forward. To tomorrow, to the year ahead. But first, I think I'd better get some zzzz. Drove to the airport this morning - absolutely loved it, especially the part where the roads emerges to a highway on Benjamin Sheares Bridge - it's like emergence. My favourite part of the drive - where everything that seemed bleak and ordinary changes to be something wide, broad and forward. Moving forward.