a 360

Feel happy. Had a nice chill day with friends and family. My brother is getting more enjoyable. Ha.

Watched the replay of the men's Aust open and saw the final finish. And Woo Hoo! Got to catch my favourite sport - snowboarding. I love to watch the female freestyle. AMAZING. I just love it. I love the smoothness, I love the stunts. I love the flight. At some angles, you can see the sun and even snow dispersing. Nice. I wish I had a chance to have learnt it.

Hmm... I'm feeling older. Feel I'm growing out of my cartoon tees and some kiddyness. Feel like getting more basics, more blacks, more whites, more greys. Even today... I feel like wearing a blouse instead of a tee.

Felt heavy today at service. Cried almost all the way. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow, is only a day away...

Wrapped.

Mmm... a nice cold beer after the shoot is over... mmm...

Nice...

Finally the shoot is over... its been 6 full on days of shoot. I'm running here, running there, calling here, calling there. My gosh! Its full on craziness. hahaha...but fun. One of those things I'll remember for life.

Learnt how to deal with monkeys, saw a beautiful poisonous snake, arranged for a crane lorry shot, did some food styling, got to shop for cast and best of all, got to drive a buggy!!! My lifelong dream came true. WOO HOO! =) Was so scared of the slopes. But thankfully J taught me the concept behind it and after that it was pure fun. GOSH. I felt I really overcame the hills.



Loved being there at 6am. It was unearthly, had to wake at 5. But it was worth it. Weather was great and the sight was just unbelievable! One of the MOST beautiful sights I seen in Singapore! I even saw a few stars. OOH. It really was AWESOME!



The crew this round is fantastic! Professional, fast, on time, HILARIOUS and wonderful to work with. I really really enjoyed myself. I was happy to work with the director too. Clear boundaries. Calm decision making. Direct instructions. Glad I'm moving on with a good note.

Sleeeeeepie... Tired! Gosh, shoots are bad for health. Coke, coke, coke. Nasi Lemak, prata and super yummy food from the F&B outlets. My fav was the nian gao with sweet potato on top and yam at the bottom. YUMMY! Faints...Gotta run and detox next week!!! Back to the GYM.

I enjoy production work mostly because I get to meet a lot of different people... these few days... met golf pros, tennis coaches, security guards, high flying people, difficult to please people, supportive client, experienced crew, make up artist, actor, actress etc... just glad to find out a bit more of their life and glean some insights.

Some thoughts of the week... after facing all the rich people and their kids...
1) Am I satisfied with my lifestyle? What standard of living do I want?
2) Builder, Trainer, Marker (what I learnt from the tennis coach)... what do I do best? Work on foundations? Work on strokes? Work on strategy?
3) What kind of kids do I want to raise? What kind of opportunities do I want them to have?

Wished my parents were more outdoorsy... and wished I had the privilege to bowl, play tennis etc... these kids do get a headstart... they really just get richer and richer I suppose. Ha. Realise I have baggage... had super rich schoolmates in primary and JC life... kinda always felt a little less than them...Hmm... gotta sort this out.

Happy my bro got dinner for me and lent me his new PSP. Hee hee. Nice. I think I got to figure out how to play car games. I suck at it. HAHA.

Gg to watch some DVDs to unwind.... glad and sad the week is over. Production is fun - you spend so much waking hours together the whole day, there's some kind of bond. Its like a school camp... really fun and really enjoyed the shoot. And there was so much grace and favour for the shoot. Things took off. People were confirmed. Weather was good. WAH. Amazing!

Content.

Change.

Hmm... today has been an interesting day.

feel a bit more grown up and kinda growing out of my cartoon tee phase. prefer solid colours now - modish. would love a blue skirt or top. red thin belt. saw a shiny black jacket at topshop i like. yumz.

glad - went down to queensway with bro and eeeks! ate mackers, bleh. oh well, once in a blue moon. Been wanting a more corporate looking specs... went to the first shop... neh.. could not find anything... was wondering if i ever would find one... then i went back to my usual optician... OOH... I found a pair I LIKE.. its black rimmed yet in a flattering shape and best of all... it has green and orange sides. metal. WAH. corporate yet not boring, with a little funk. YAY! feel encouraged.

Came home and read and write and write and read and write... i love doing it. I came across a FANTASTIC article on Mash Culture with its cut and paste ethos. WAH. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Hmm... need to write an article on why design IS important. And LOL looked at my personality assessment... hmmm... I used to see these things as weaknesses and now... there's no value judgement... its just my reactions when I am stressed. Ooh... a new paradigm... and I am shocked at its accuracy. Feel kinda raw and strange... that a test can actually generate these results. GOSH. FAINTS. Also grappling with who I am all off a sudden. And also hoping deeply that God gives me a job in an environment where I can soar. *faints*

I want to be loved too.

life goes on.

open heart. open wounds. open hand. open soul.

"Living in true beauty can require much waiting, much time, much tenacity of spirit. We must constantly direct our gazes toward the face of God, even in the presence of longing and sorrow. It is in the waiting that our hearts are enlarged. The waiting does not diminish us. As a pregnant women is enlarged in her waiting, so are our hearts. God does not always rescue us out of a painful season. You know that he does not always give to us what we so desperately want when we want it. He is after something much more valuable than our happiness. Much more substantive than our health, He is restoring and growing in us an eternal weight of glory. And some times... it hurts... a heart awakened to its sorrow. It is more aware, more present, and more alive, to all of the facets of life."

- Captivating, John and Stasi Elderedge

This long season of waiting, tearing, kneeling is really tough. It feels like when I'm 3/4 to reaching my running goal or cycling goal... the time when I feel like giving up yet I want to press on to reach the goal. And these are the times of growth and muscle stretching. I know its good for me but oh so painful. The tearing apart. The weaning off things that used to be my security. Strengthening my grip and trust.

Reading these few lines just brought so much comfort... that the waiting is redemptive, not relentless. He will never let me down and be the shelter I have always wanted... and the Love beyond the gates into the depths of my soul.

It's Still Raining

It's the new year. Just a few days and things are still really rough and tough. Am fighting on and its wearing me out. Yes, it's still raining.

Thankful for enough grace, enough strength to just a little longer, a little further. Its like running a marathon... and when it almost seems unbearable, a water station pops up or a friend comes by the side to cheer.

Glad a friend got me out of the house early this morning to Ikea. Heh heh, got to use my vouchers and got some really nice stuff - a new table, a spot light for my mirror ball and some knick knacks I really want.

Hmm... CNY is coming soon...

Glad I'm here at Starbucks with this good pal - just really need some company. To continue this writing project that was embarked on. Good, if not I'd just be moping at home and sleeping maybe. Ha.

Hmm... I want a bag of chips... (Argh... trying to get back to eating less...)

Full.

Hmm...

today is the first day of work after a long time... still tough... but enough grace... just when things start to dip... a buzz comes from a friend. came back and kneeled... and surrendered again...

read peter drucker's book on mgt...glad to know that good ideas can come from unexpected twists... never expected to reach such a low state in this journey... fight on... not by myself

i think i must stop eating so much... haha... looking forward to running and the gym...gosh just a couple of weeks of no gyming and munches... the tummy returns!!!! arrrrrrrrgggggghhhh..... heee. oh well... tomorrow, i'll go!

was fun to move here... new neighbours... good party fun. talk laugh take silly photos. fun. ha. still brought some relief to the otherwise dull and tough day. fun to experiment with silly shots. hahaah...

i like my nails - orange shiny works for me. like it better than the sweety pinks. eeeks. hahahahaahha

glad for friendships built on grace... was feeling blah about what a friend said. instead of just keeping mum and be angry (thinking i'm not)and eventually blow up (coz i was just suppressing the hurts)... so glad I learnt to first forgive, extend grace and then let the other person know how I feel so that there can be a chance for reconciliation. and when it does, the friendship gets stronger. glad i can stop feeling powerless and pretend it does not matter or in my conflict avoidance slants, i just swallow the pain... glad i took at step out.

tomorrow is a new day... fresh love, grace and hope. more than enough. look forward to tomorrow.

over the counter

hmm... listening to Norah Jones now

just got back from watching My Blueberry Nights by Wong Kar Wai...

glad for friend whom I went out with... thankful that different seasons, I have different guy friends to hang out with... was fun just watching artsy movies together, have dinner, chat, laugh and learning more about each other. realise he's a really down to earth dude who really has relationships in good perspective.

hmm... the movie was rather slow moving... but the shots were beautiful. some surrealistic elements, contrasty, grainy, time lapsed and unconventional framings. Liked the style lots. the story was not new, a little lasseiz faire... very much the personality of the music of Norah Jones. Kinda cruisy, moody not much excitement some sadness quiet flowy. There were some pretty moving dialogue and analogies.

My favourite was the part where she was supposed to go into the cafe and confront her boyfriend with the new girl and she let go of the door she was holding on. there was so much focus and lingering on that movement... where the door knob was held on... for a long time... and finally that release... to go... as 2008 comes by... I want to let go what needs to be let go... perhaps faster?

i liked the play on words about doors, keys... how sometimes even if we still have keys to the doors... the person in there may not be there anymore... nice...

i dun like blueberries... but perhaps i should go get a blueberry pie with ice cream one of these days... maybe it will be love accidentally (instead of actually)... ha...