Didnt know saying goodbye can be so hard

Seasons come and seasons go but You remain the same. So thankful Dada God is my ROCK and He never changes.

Transitions can be real tough. Never knew saying goodbye can be so difficult. Sometimes you never know how much you love/ treasure people and how much you are loved / treasured until you leave.

Have had many people leave, good friends to other churches, overseas etc. Most of the time I had been on the other end. Having to adjust my life after they leave. Missing them. Walking up the stairs to church knowing things are not the same without them. Walking into the church feeling that something is missing. Had it for the last 5-6 years???

Sure strange that now its my turn. Saying goodbye. Seeing the emotions. That moment of sadness. That moment of "not again?". That moment of "Why??". Sudden gestures of good byes - seeing the missing already in the eyes. Makes me feel sad too. Never knew it could be so hard.

Have sang this when my friends have left... now's my turn...

"Packing up the dreams God planted
In the fertile soil of you
Can’t believe the hopes he’s granted
Means a chapter in your life is through
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone’
cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong

Chorus:
And friends are friends forever
If the Lord’s the Lord of them
And a friend will not say never’
cause the welcome will not end
Though it’s hard to let you go
In the Father’s hands we know
That a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends.

With the faith and love God’s given
Springing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you’ll live in
Is the strength that now you show
But we’ll keep you close as always
It won’t even seem you’ve gone’
cause our hearts in big and small ways
Will keep the love that keeps us strong"

Seasons come and go but You remain the same. Thankful that amidst all these. You are here. Trusting you will keep the friendships. Trusting that I'm making the right move. Trusting that you will take care of everything!

Love. What a strong emotion. What a deep longing. What deep ties and bonds. Many times, inexplicable.

Redefine and reinforce

As I was trucking through the avalanche of thoughts... I realise why the upheavals

Its a time of redefinition. Of readjustment. Relinquishing - rights, attachments.

Reinforcements will be the next step.

=)

avalanche

had one of those weeks where i had an avalanche of thoughts fueled by transitions, old wounds, new developments.

emotional upheavals and pit moments.

praises and condemnations.

old habits and new changes

New routes and old maps

Boy, wat a week.

Glad Papa God is sorting them out for me.

Security in Him. Trust. Knowing I'm His possession. Precious. No need to get into anxious mode. He's got the plans. Just follow the Master's master plan. Loved. Sayanged. Treasured. Chosen. Priestess. Princess. Valued. Cherished. Delighted in. Enjoyed. Rejoiced over. Smiles. Kisses. Hugs.

Ps 30:2-3, 11-12
"O LORD my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O LORD, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down to the pit.
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."

Dialock or dialogue

over the usual CNY visits... arose an interesting conversation of what women and men really want (so its the title of the CNA prog i was on)

One said - submission is strength. It takes a strong wife to give in.

Another said- a man wants respect and support.

Comments were flying around... and we all had a good laugh. But deep down we all knew relationships take work. To listen. To communicate. To make effort. To make time. To cultivate.

Over the week I had been thinking and watching over TV and real life. romance vs marriage. The sensations vs the realities. Cloud nine vs doing the laundry.

For better or worse... wow... what make people take the risks? The risk to love so that they can be loved? To know so that they can be known?

Love, relationships and marriage seems such a maze at times... marriage is not a destination, just a journey. Marriage is living out each day not just hanging out. Boy, does it take commitment and effort. And words either lock or free.

Think I will NEVER take this risk unless God, you walk with us. Its funny. I'm looking forward to it yet at the same time kinda feel like running the opposite direction. Am I ready for the romance? Am I ready for the hurts? Am i ready for the hugs? Am I ready for the frustrations? I dont know... only You know...

Yep

As my friend wrote this over msn...

dialogue is more than your giving me space to say my words, and my giving you space to say yours. dialogue demands that i leave the place where i dwell- the landscape of feelings and thoughts that are important to me- in order to dwell for a time with your thoughts, feelings, perceptions, fears, hopes. i must deny myself- forsake the familiar, give up my life- in order to experience your life.

the purpose of dialogue is never to to persuade another person to accept our opinions, or values, or view of the world; rather it is to create understanding - a climate where COMMUNION takes place. He who has lost himself finds himself/herself. The deepest craving of every heart is to be laid bare, to be known, to be understood...

Christians - boring??????????Why should we be????

Boring. That's the LAST thing I ever want to be. Or preachy. Or 'kuai kuai' (goody two shoes). Or bland. Or unappealing.

But why??? Why are many Christians like that??? Why does the media typify us like that? Why do we limit ourselves and become like that? Well you have extremes. The goody 2 shoes vs the controversial low cut blouse, mini skirt ones.

It just baffles me. Just throws me off. Yeeks

I really want to see more funky, relevant, young, bold, 'cool', 'hip' Christians who uphold God's values, live out consistent lives and are huge influencers in the real world. Not boring, preachy, plain, typical goody two shoes.

More colour. More trendy. More expressive. Yet grounded. Firm. Strong. Secure. Sensible.

How do the Church not run after the values that the world race for - celebrity, status, works, merit, talents yet at the same time remain relevant, fun, 'cool' and influencing to society? How do we remain relevant yet not irreverent????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

God, I dun understand how we can do it, but TEACH us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Show us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Desire

hmm... always thought desire was wrong. Was it part of the buddhist thinking that the way of escape and total happiness is via nirvana - a way immune of suffering? Was it part of the Christian extreme slant that everything you desire is fleshly and worldy?

Sigh... why did I live under that??????????

I came to realise that desires are God- given. Desires are natural. Desires are part of humanity. Desires only point us to a haunting, a direction to a deeper desire for perfection and total beauty. Of God drawing us near. God does not despise our desires. He created us with them. Without desire, we would be robots. Robots who simply obey commands. Or zombies who kill our own desires so we can follow.

I have seen how God works via our desires. And its a lot more powerful! "Discipline imposed from the outside eventually defeats when it is not matched by desire from within" - Dawson Trotman. How true. How much more compelling and contagious when we live inside out. How much more effective we are when we want rather than just will.

What's wrong with desiring to see a distanced friendship turn close? What's wrong with desiring a hug? What's wrong with desiring a beautiful dress? What's wrong with desiring the latest tech gadget? Nothing wrong.

What matters is what we do with the desires. Do we kill it -deny it and bash ourselves for being too sensitive or silly? Do we indulge in it - purchasing an item we don't need? Are we obsessed with it? Our Father gave His only Son, why wouldn't He give us good things or all things we need? There's no other logic than why He wouldnt give us the best? Is it a truth we don't dare to embrace?

I've found out that desires are good. They reflect a deeper desire for the creator of all things. The creator of us who knows the gap. They reflect a haunting for perfection that can only be found in heaven. They point us to a longing that only He can fill. Desire is beautiful.

Delight in Him. Our desires will be fulfilled. Wow. How many times have He surprised me??? Even little things. What a beautiful Papa I have. =)

Idealist Realist

found out this... one of the hardest thing for creative people (i.e. artists, directors etc) to let go is... the total adherence to the ideas we all started out with. But yes, we still live in the real world (i.e. imperfect) and guess we just have to try to make sure the end product is closest to the original vision.

(Can't wait to go to heaven at times)

Wat flows out of your life?

there was one speaker that challenged ... wat flows out of my life? Is it milk and honey or bitterness? I then realised , hey, I had some bitterness still. About people. About things. About opinions.

It was a wake up call. The process of processing and letting go and dealing with the pain and hurt was not easy. It was not without tears or sadness. But the pain allowed for healing.

Why have bitter water when you can have milk and honey? A sweet spirit rather than a blah one =)