A glimmer

Feel happy yet heavy.

And glad for a trace of hope. A good deep friend smsed me 'out of the blue' - perfect person to speak to regarding my situations.

Glad that threads come...

Hope the sunshine comes after the rain soon...

persist.

The beauty of growing older is the greater understanding of time. This week is good - am very encouraged by journeying, persisting, persevering, pressing on and to know that this road I'm on, is not destination based. One question I asked myself was - have I been asking the wrong one? Should I be asking - how well have I followed Jesus versus what have I accomplished? Should I celebrate my growth rather than beat myself up over my weaknesses? Big visions don't realise in a short time, sometimes not even in one's lifetime. Good. I feel happier. God of hope. God of certainty. God of sheer inspiration.

Interesting days - went to PSA building, sat around the corporate boardroom and discussed about a puppet video. Strange. And the view is amazing - could see a bird's eye view of Singapore that tourists don't get to see! (They should start collecting entrance fees). Today's shoot was at NUS - spent a good 2 hours just waiting for the crew to come back as the van was parked at a season parking lot. Well... at least I got to read up on my Viet trip. Heh. And yum... what is a good production day without a good meal to round it up? Had Mee Goreng and Roti John (sinful sinful) at the Tg Pagar railway station (which I found out was not state land) ROCKS. Yum yum yum.

It's gonna be a packed weekend... next week too... gotta see when I can squeeze some time to run... missing it...

...

In this life there will always be things you desire but cannot have.

latent

wish i have 4 more hours. or more. wish i can sleep less.

i want to paint. i want to create.

i want to sleep. ha.

happy to cook. happy to make colourful salads with different textures.

happy to sit here and type. happy

hmm... catched a MTV interview... wow... the editing is so fun... so many options. it was as if the editor tried ALL possible combinations... of angles, windows... was more fun watching the form than the content. i like graphics. i like mixed media.

la la la... just nice to do something without having to feel responsible... to write something with a purpose... heeeee wheeeeee

ok back to earth... got to budget. hahahahahahhahaahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i'm 29.

Day by Day

"Day by Day... day by day... Oh dear Lord, 3 things I pray. To see Thee more clearly, love Thee more dearly, Follow Thee more nearly, Day by day"... ringing in my head. My fav song from Godspell.

I like today. Started with a headache that thankfully went away. What was interesting in my gym session was 2 things - working out my back for my posture (which I have been wanting to correct)and also got to balance on a ball (which I'm totally freaked out about). Hmm... whilst doing the excercises...it really was one of those moments in time that goes through a time freeze. At those moments... it meant far more than leg stands or doing reps or sets. It was priceless. I have bad posture physically. My heart too. Can be too cynical. Really need to set it right. And I had to confront my fear of balancing on something that moves, something that is unstable. And I did. I learnt to trust gravity. I learnt that to be stable, I need to assign weight. I need to lean. Yes. It was a spiritual lesson at a least imaginable time.

Sigh... maybe I think too much. Maybe I should just create. Day by day. Bought sketch books and black markers, ready for my trips. =)

Nice to catch up with some old friends. But kinda feel like I've nothing much to say. Just don't feel terribly excited. But just like a mentor of mine said... our lives can't be a bonfire all the time, we'll be consumed. But all it needs is a steady flame... that never goes out. Dim it may be at times... but still burning. Perhaps that is where it is now. I'm thankful though, for so much time to myself - to read, to draw...

Caught a superb movie... it was artistic and funny. Brilliant. Focused on time freeze. I realise I do that. Time freeze. I get into my zone at times. I love travelling scenes... I loved the movie... captured many of my emotions and aspirations. It was indie yet beautifully shot and the transitions were brilliant. It was video amongst photographs. It was imagination. It was about beauty. It was about dreams. It was about roughing the mundane yet holding strong dreams. It was about being captured, enthralled...

Got so inspired... and on the way home... I decided to just make sure I'm creating... continuously. Picked up a marker I bought earlier and drew on my wall. Heh. 1/2 done. Was really afraid at first, felt the same way when I tried to balance on the ball... but continued... and I'm so happy I took the step. Always wanted to draw on my walls. Now I can. Have the chance. Pursue it. I am creating... day by day.

storeroom in order

i feel a sense of accomplishment - finally packed up the messy storeroom. I like travelling. Coz before that it gives me the impetus to get some parts of my life in order. It is like a bookmark. Or the end of a chapter as I am starting a new one.

I packed, washed, sorted, throw... somehow throwing away things is rather cathartic. Feels good. feels like I'm moving on. feels like i'm shedding baggage and weight.

Packing up extended to washing the toilet, changing my bedsheet, dusting my art stuff and also checking my warranty for my broken camera - which I need to FIX! going to use my lomo cam tom too.

yeah... still a few more milestones on my list to go... but I'm getting there... for one... I'm really happy I'm finishing the books I've bought... and magazines etc. Kinda less time to roam nowadays and that's good, coz I use more of what I have instead of getting more and not using them. Glad I am using my sports wear and not just window shopping for them. Glad I am creating and not just looking at new software. Different seasons, some are to shop/browse, some are just getting down to doing it. Maybe it's also my journey of moving on to another decade. Grin

half a piece of leftover cheesecake

today is kinda not the usual kind of day

yeah - it's national day...

woke up close to 12 - last night was real fun - just gathering together to pray for Singapore - saw many many good friends, some made over the last 2 years, some over the last 5-6 years and it was just beautiful. Thankful for friendships. Thankful for people. Thankful.

dragged myself to Holland V and was fun just to start planning for the NY trip... hahaha... had a headache... that went away... phew... I like steamed milk with hazelnut syrup at Starbucks... glad they had wireless there... heh

went home and SLEPT. gosh... I knew I was tired... but yeah... I was really tired... woke up in time to catch some NDP...

mom took out a piece of fish... and I had to think of how to cook it - did a lemon-garlic-chives-parsley baked fish that was not too bad. too bad the cream was spoilt. duh. can't they sell smaller portions? hahaha. whilst waiting for the fish to bake... i ate some leftover cheesecake from my cousin's birthday...yum. can't wait to try the NY one...

love my frankie - hmm... maybe i should subscribe to it... so whimsical... so artsie... so fun... sigh... i would really like to move overseas... for a while...

hmm... watching my aunt's funeral service now - on DVD sent over from Australia. Amazing. The DVD is well done. Ok ok... beyond the tech and design details... wow... real touching... to hear the eulogies... to see the different expressions of my cousins... and also to hear so much of a life well lived. Wow. I have a godly heritage. She was the first to follow Christ in the family. And I just saw her last year... and despite her illness, she gave me ang pow money... such a giving person.

And wow... what a timely word - God will not give you a dream and crush it. =)
I'm inspired to press on.

home alone

finally had some decent time alone this week... it's totally weird to stay home sat night but ha... that's what i did. hahahah

anyway...

had a good day

spent some time with a friend/mentor/father figure dude who dropped by over the weekend... miss the whole family... haha... anyway... yeah... was good to just eat lots of jap food together and ice cream... and be reminded of charging how much time is worth, having passion and deliberately investing in it over the years. yeah.

good good.

this 29-30 journey is SUPER interesting. this whole week is just full of reflection and relating what has happened over the last 29 years. Had a conversation with an ex-colleague and that lighted something in me. It gave worth and made sense of what I had accumulated the last 6 years of my working life. Wow. I do have a lot of experience. Many things seem to come together - like a good piece of advice from my colleague- that I should not just look at what I do not have but my experience, my brains, my knowledge. Wow. And finding my own voice , own sound (from my jazz research and history) and finding out what is me. Amazing.

I think I'm ready to move forward. Feel a lot more confident than ever before. Maybe its a process of being 30 soon - knowing who you are, what you want and going for it.

Rebuilding is complete. Time to branch out.