I was post this question by my boss.
Hmm... really set me thinking. It's really radical.
All my life... it's been pushing for something even though it's not there.
As a result, things go thinner, nerves become more wrecked and there's a constant tension and failure to deliver.
I guess there's a balance - getting what we can, pushing for whatever is possible. Yet at the same time, learn to live with less or even none.
Profound.
Need to think through this more.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
orange and green. my fav colours.
spectacles.
converse shoes.
blouse.
maybe my blood is orange and green. =)
converse shoes.
blouse.
maybe my blood is orange and green. =)
Give me oil in my lamp.
WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOWOOOOWHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
My debut lomo pix.
Wow. I'm really very happeeeeee!!!!!!!
Been doing lots of corporate projx and have been feeling yuckx.
wanted to try lomo-ing but just somehow did not dabble into it.
went for a greenspace lomo competition, amazing race style in our very own chinatown area and it was great fun!!!!!!!!
met new friends (my friend could not join me), inspired by the new things I see, discovered many places and things I had not seen/known. It's a great feeling!!
Plus... found it. Have been taking many of these object-driven photos but lacked the edge with a normal cam. Ooooohs... with the LOMO, it just gives an extra OOPMH!!!! heeez.
Yay Yay Yay!!! On to my lomo journey.
Plus how a friend from cell group gave me a lomo!! and another friend is lending me his holga!!!!!! to shoot black and white.
feel happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
that I'm finally doing something that is of ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
It's so Fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My debut lomo pix.
Wow. I'm really very happeeeeee!!!!!!!
Been doing lots of corporate projx and have been feeling yuckx.
wanted to try lomo-ing but just somehow did not dabble into it.
went for a greenspace lomo competition, amazing race style in our very own chinatown area and it was great fun!!!!!!!!
met new friends (my friend could not join me), inspired by the new things I see, discovered many places and things I had not seen/known. It's a great feeling!!
Plus... found it. Have been taking many of these object-driven photos but lacked the edge with a normal cam. Ooooohs... with the LOMO, it just gives an extra OOPMH!!!! heeez.
Yay Yay Yay!!! On to my lomo journey.
Plus how a friend from cell group gave me a lomo!! and another friend is lending me his holga!!!!!! to shoot black and white.
feel happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
that I'm finally doing something that is of ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
It's so Fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
new perspective. new angles.
i think people become depressed because they can't see things in a more positive perspective.
glad i'm lifted up from my discouragement, disappointments and dents.
had a great retreat. reminded to travel light. reminded of His goodness and plans. reminded of family to go through with me. and most of all, thank God He restored my soul.
transformation occurs. these few days are NEW. no longer being down, low or having repeated negative thoughts. but new thoughts and rationales for my season. the thoughts are also from an entirely opposite perspective. interesting...
i think i'm going through a season of fallowing. there are times of reaping and sowing. but there is also a season of fallowing. the inactivity is actually a preparation period of refertilisation and restoring, so that the land can bear more fruit in the long run. Wow. Felt comforted when this thought came. Made a lot of sense of what is happening this whole long year. Feel more at ease now. If not, I just want to go back to what is familliar - the shovels, the wheelbarrows. But now I know, not now.
a fresh new thought came too... that what I thought was loss to me is actually gain in other ways. Quoting Geraldine Soh, a Singaporean Illustrator "I had no playmates and not many toys, so I spent most of my time drawing." Wow. I kept looking back at my growing up years and struggle that because I didn't have money and also of my family situation, I was deprived of many things and skills. Struggled for years. Realised now that perhaps the forced time at home was a breeding ground for my art, my honing in my skills in craft etc. And the adversities produced a strength that money cannot buy and established a faith and relationship with God, that is not easily shaken.
I suppose also that that for those who had little, when given more, are more thankful compared to those who always had plenty. Like how I've been living on borrowed cameras. When friends lend me their Digi SLRs, Videocameras, CF cards, give me a lomo, I'm really really thankful.
Something I've learnt during the retreat was this - that too many times we don't affirm ourselves but keep telling ourselves that we need to do better and better and better. I think I'm learning to be happy where I am, be satisfied more. And stop wishing I had a better figure, more money, better skills but for where I am, the journey I've been through and going through, it is good enough.
learning to accept myself.
glad i'm lifted up from my discouragement, disappointments and dents.
had a great retreat. reminded to travel light. reminded of His goodness and plans. reminded of family to go through with me. and most of all, thank God He restored my soul.
transformation occurs. these few days are NEW. no longer being down, low or having repeated negative thoughts. but new thoughts and rationales for my season. the thoughts are also from an entirely opposite perspective. interesting...
i think i'm going through a season of fallowing. there are times of reaping and sowing. but there is also a season of fallowing. the inactivity is actually a preparation period of refertilisation and restoring, so that the land can bear more fruit in the long run. Wow. Felt comforted when this thought came. Made a lot of sense of what is happening this whole long year. Feel more at ease now. If not, I just want to go back to what is familliar - the shovels, the wheelbarrows. But now I know, not now.
a fresh new thought came too... that what I thought was loss to me is actually gain in other ways. Quoting Geraldine Soh, a Singaporean Illustrator "I had no playmates and not many toys, so I spent most of my time drawing." Wow. I kept looking back at my growing up years and struggle that because I didn't have money and also of my family situation, I was deprived of many things and skills. Struggled for years. Realised now that perhaps the forced time at home was a breeding ground for my art, my honing in my skills in craft etc. And the adversities produced a strength that money cannot buy and established a faith and relationship with God, that is not easily shaken.
I suppose also that that for those who had little, when given more, are more thankful compared to those who always had plenty. Like how I've been living on borrowed cameras. When friends lend me their Digi SLRs, Videocameras, CF cards, give me a lomo, I'm really really thankful.
Something I've learnt during the retreat was this - that too many times we don't affirm ourselves but keep telling ourselves that we need to do better and better and better. I think I'm learning to be happy where I am, be satisfied more. And stop wishing I had a better figure, more money, better skills but for where I am, the journey I've been through and going through, it is good enough.
learning to accept myself.
a skirt makes a woman
heh.
have been feeling grubby and grummy with all the camera work and also the multiple deadlines I have to meet. had a great retreat and feel a lot more relaxed. Decided just to dress up. Hee. Just for fun. Just for myself. It's a great feeling to feel refreshed and also wanting to doll up.
PLUS!!!! my skin was ok and I can wear skirts that are shorter!!! Yay!!! What people take for granted like its really normal is something I yearn to do. Hee. Been waiting to wear skirts for months!!!
And I guess I've come to be more open about it. Not feeling so uptight about it. And that it's ok for my friends to see the scars. And it's also part of the lesson of accepting the imperfect me.
Ha. Went to office the next day with contact lenses, make up, a blouse, a skirt and heels. haha. was teased the whole time. "Date?" Hee. Had people who said I looked beautiful and also that I should wear skirts more often. Was a funny episode. Hee. Was fun to just surprise people too.
It's just different I guess. When a woman puts on a skirt, it just adds an ethereal quality to it, an invisible signal that says "I'm a woman". It's funny if you think about it. It's just less cloth and less sewing. But a skirt shouts womanhood. Hee.
Just bought another skirt today. *grin*
have been feeling grubby and grummy with all the camera work and also the multiple deadlines I have to meet. had a great retreat and feel a lot more relaxed. Decided just to dress up. Hee. Just for fun. Just for myself. It's a great feeling to feel refreshed and also wanting to doll up.
PLUS!!!! my skin was ok and I can wear skirts that are shorter!!! Yay!!! What people take for granted like its really normal is something I yearn to do. Hee. Been waiting to wear skirts for months!!!
And I guess I've come to be more open about it. Not feeling so uptight about it. And that it's ok for my friends to see the scars. And it's also part of the lesson of accepting the imperfect me.
Ha. Went to office the next day with contact lenses, make up, a blouse, a skirt and heels. haha. was teased the whole time. "Date?" Hee. Had people who said I looked beautiful and also that I should wear skirts more often. Was a funny episode. Hee. Was fun to just surprise people too.
It's just different I guess. When a woman puts on a skirt, it just adds an ethereal quality to it, an invisible signal that says "I'm a woman". It's funny if you think about it. It's just less cloth and less sewing. But a skirt shouts womanhood. Hee.
Just bought another skirt today. *grin*
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Good Enough.
I cringe every time you cut yourself down
You hide your pain like it doesn't count
So when I hear you laugh are you crying deep inside
'Cause you fall below the standards in your mind
Though you'd never deny our God's a loving God
You feel He turns away when you make mistakes
But our heavenly Father nurtures His own
To Him you matter more than you'll ever know
So let the Lord love you
Let His voice be heard above the rest
Hold on to what you know is true
And let the Lord love you
We may search for truth, but we listen more to lies
Play them over and over in our minds
Till we're left with some distorted point of view
That cripples who we are and all we do
There are times you've gotta fight for all you're worth
Stand up to the voices from the past
And as you draw close to Him the more moments you'll have
When His love overwhelms and you know it's true
That the Lord, He loves you
So let His voice be heard above the rest
Hold on to what you know is true
And let the Lord love you
You gotta let the Lord love you
- Rory Noland
Thursday, September 01, 2005
broken and STRONG
just had a crying session.
its like having a limp. to keep us humble and dependent i guess.
so much pain in the family. so much pain in my own life. frustrations. anger. unfulfilled desires.
my comfort is that He hears. dunno whyI have to go through so much continually at home. trying to face the future and putting the past behind. it is so tough because so much of the present reminds so much of the past. it's like taking two steps forward and being pulled back one step. strenuous. need the tenacity. at least I'm making progress.
i dun understand. but i know this route He has given me to take will give Him the max glory. I dunno how. but i ask for joy in the midst of the pain. i ask for the satisfaction in Him. He is my strength. Hind's feet on high places.
Living out my name - JAEL - "to ascend". Am ascending. Feeling tired. Muscles are aching. Emotions are raw. Tears are flowing. Father God, make my Spirit STRONG.
"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hind's feet and will make me to walk (not to stand still in terror, but to walk) and make (spiritual) progress upon my high places (of trouble, suffering or responsibility)!"
Habbukuk 3:19 (Amplified)
its like having a limp. to keep us humble and dependent i guess.
so much pain in the family. so much pain in my own life. frustrations. anger. unfulfilled desires.
my comfort is that He hears. dunno whyI have to go through so much continually at home. trying to face the future and putting the past behind. it is so tough because so much of the present reminds so much of the past. it's like taking two steps forward and being pulled back one step. strenuous. need the tenacity. at least I'm making progress.
i dun understand. but i know this route He has given me to take will give Him the max glory. I dunno how. but i ask for joy in the midst of the pain. i ask for the satisfaction in Him. He is my strength. Hind's feet on high places.
Living out my name - JAEL - "to ascend". Am ascending. Feeling tired. Muscles are aching. Emotions are raw. Tears are flowing. Father God, make my Spirit STRONG.
"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hind's feet and will make me to walk (not to stand still in terror, but to walk) and make (spiritual) progress upon my high places (of trouble, suffering or responsibility)!"
Habbukuk 3:19 (Amplified)
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