when words do not fail.

Landscape

By Roy Lessin,

Your life's like a landscape and God has the brush.
The work is in progress, He's not in a rush.
Each stroke has a purpose, nothing's by chance.
To see all His wisdom takes more than a glance.

Notice the sunbeams that shine on the dew --
Even the clouds can't keep them from view.
Look at the pathway that turns at the hill --
Its course will reveal what's next in His will.

The stream that's flowing with water so blue
Is bringing down blessings meant just for you.
The trees that are planted close to the stream
Will bring forth more fruit than you've ever seen.

The bird in the nest with mouth opened wide
Is just a reminder that God will provide.
Now look at the sheep in the meadow that's near
And notice the Shepherd that keeps them from fear.

He's brought them to pastures which give forth the best,
That cool and refresh, and keep them in rest.
The eagle above, that soars o'er the gale
Is God's way of saying, "My strength will not fail."

That part of the painting which now seems unclear
Will take on new meaning with each passing year.
So trust God to work in His own perfect way
And rejoice in the beauty He's painting today.

Anchored.

Looking at this picture... gives me hope... the ray of light that cuts through. Been feeling so low... looking at this reminds me of the promise He gave me... that my future is bright.

maybe my equations are being shifted. my expectations are being reshuffled. my bubbles being burst. surrendering my dreams and letting rest in Him. Walking day by day is sheer faith. But one thing is for sure - an anchor for the soul, firm and secure - hope in Him. No matter how BLAH i feel deep down i know He is here. And He walks with me. And maybe this is one of the times He carries me... as per the cliched footprints in the sand.

maybe there are many changes. Maybe friendships had taken changes. Maybe I just dunno how to feel. maybe i am tired. maybe i am bored. But God is still good. I just find it so strange. On one hand, I'm really happy...and seeing many victories, seeing many blessings... on the other... there's so much uncertainty, questions, fears etc... I'm baffled. Really.

Just glad... that in shaky times like these... I have an anchor. I know that in multiple changes, there are somethings in life that never changes. I know I have a sure love. I know that when all things fade, I'll still have Jesus. I know that even I have nothing, even I fail, even I mess up, even I lose all I have, I still have Jesus. I know that even though things come at me, even when I don't get the support I want, even when I yearn for love I can't have, I still have Jesus. He never goes away, He never forsakes me, He always wants the best for me. I love my life.

my soul sings

well... feeling better today... maybe its the adrenaline... maybe its people....

this old chinese song is ringing in my head... dunno its title... "Dun know why... these troubles surround me... i will still be hoping and waiting... for the memory of love"... funny ah... how songs speak the heart language.. was listening to Gravity- John Mayer... strangely listening to blues when you are blue made me less blue. Though I dun really know why I'm so blue... listening to people singing their blues seem to help... Haha. Maybe its like the reckoning of the soul, acknowledging of the emotions...

heard someone of a different race sing tonight... didn't understand the language... but understood the heart. Wow. Was so touching. Just touched deep down. songs... language of the heart...

flowered. bloomed.

flower
Originally uploaded by jgal.

Today... marks a new milestone.

Ends the two years I have with this part time place I'm working at.

Feels crazy. Dun exactly know where I'm heading next.

Feels sad. Will miss them... especially the closer ones...

Dun know what to do tomorrow.

i have a hope. a future. joy. yeah.

confidence

"The freshest ideas come from people who set their own rules."

"Daring has some part of risk-taking too and the dare for more part means achieve more, if you want to achieve more you have to give out more."

- Richard Lee, China VP of marketing, beverages, PepsiCo

dream. again.

hmm... i have no clue why i'm so blue today (can hear the Veggie Tales Silly songs ringing... "I'm so blue I'm so blue I don't know what to do)

yeah... just feel messy today... dunno why... a friend suggested that it is the artist temperament. maybe. but i dun want to be boring... and have less fluctuations. then i had this revelation - that the fluctuations do not be positive and negative (think graph) ... but goes positive and zero. And that zero is the steadfastness in God. WAH. (Haha... finally my maths coming to good use).

Hmmff... despite being clueless... it still was a good time. Read an autobiography and studied the artworks of Xu BeiHong. WAH. Am awed... too much to blog now... but the gist of it... his art represented his heart for his people - the Chinese... and how much he connected with the 'common' folk and understood their situation. WAH. Expressing his hope and sorrows about his country, through his paintings. And how he believed in the next generation. WAH. I want to be like that.

Watched... hoops and yoyo... one of the animated series... where they looked at clouds and dreamt of what they wished it could be. I used to think dreams are free. But I realised dreams also cost. Because they open desires. And desires are something we want but cannot control. No wonder so many people just shut up... literally. But I rather dream than be cold/dead. Today... God said 'Dream' to me... haha... in the midst of my blues. I realised I'm afraid to dream. I had dreamt and am dreaming... some of them have came to pass but many hadn't. I want to have new courage to dream again...

joy of finishing

heh heh... I'm a typical high I...starting out enthusiastically and ending up somewhere else ... getting distracted and disorganised... haha...

BUT...

over the last few years til now... i realised my failings... and started to attempt to have variety yet select a few items and focus on them til I finish them. i realised I do not do things long or often enough to be good at them. i think that must be one of the biggest revelations in my life! ha!

I've been working on it and am proud I've been making progress... Been re-organising and getting rid of things. Basically streamlining. Think I was trying to do too many things at one time. Now I try to do some things with the same time =) I've been finishing many books, utilising recipes etc that had been kept for a long time, some over 10 years!!!! Feel a huge sense of accomplishment. even in the little things. Like making vinaigrette... haha... I finally made a few concoctions! Ha!

Glad... really... looking forward to more... hope to dance... swim better... and rock climb better... cook better... finish more books... and more... *beaming*

dancing in freedom

just watched yet another movie on dance... realise I've been watching movies that are recommended by friends. i find that really interesting... because it is entering into another's world... and seeing a new dimension I've never seen or would not have otherwise explored. A close friend is a wonderful dancer... and introduced many dance movies... its amazing... watching these dance movies... I think dance is amazing... one of the lines that stuck with me went something like that...People dance because it frees them, it is the only time they are free... and they are free to be whatever they want. Wow. That was in light of the political situation the movie was situated at. Wow. That's why the Cubans, the Africans have such soul-moving music and dance... because of their captivity ... music and dance is their freedom.

Guess I'm still rather afraid... never dared to give my all totally at dance... maybe I should...

Surprised!

the fun part of this journey ... is that i keep getting pleasant surprises...

a different angle

a close friend took these two shots... ha...of the all familliar chair at my place...
glad to see it from another angle.

did the gal-chit-chat thing today... with a dear friend who was stopping over from Shanghai... love hearing her and just being able to connect even after all these years... i actually like growing "older"... coz relationships, things etc have time to brew and stand the test of time... like God's faithfulness through the years... like precious friendships developed like old wine... somethings just need time...

went to see some Dali sculptures and paintings with her today... yay! another artsy friend... hehe... and so supportive of me... i'm so thankful for friends like her... glad i watched "Finding Neverland" before that... opened up my mind... to imagination...

sleepieeeeeeeeeeeee

kairos

Amazing.

There are some days when days go by... and you wonder why things are so. It's like being a performer at NDP... just doing your thing... without seeing the formation that is formed.

But there are days too... when things fall in place... and you can finally see. Amazed at these two weeks... where it seems that things that were put in motion for the last 15 years... are culminating to something.

I feel happy. Content. Don't think I felt like that ever. In such intensity. In such joy. Am overwhelmed.

These two weeks I've been reflecting on the past two years especially... and even further. These few weeks, I've been browsing through old stuff I kept - recipes, music scores, photos, musings, clippings, sketch books, poem books, articles... and how i've trashed what is not necessary and kept the essential... and restarting a journey to create. it's amazing... I can't even put to words... just so many things are falling in place... finding my place in the Family... so many many heartwarming stuff... amazing. And how in a couple of days and weeks... things that I learnt can outgrow years even... as if time is compressed... as if time is redeemed.

Thank You God... I stand amazed.