Sigh... realise that many equations we have in our lifes... are silly.
One of mine is that if I'm perfect, I will be loved or accepted. How dumb. ha.
If I'm that perfect, I'll probably be very lonely. Because none of us are.
I need to love and accept myself.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
flows out.
the arts really reflects life. it is really holistic. arts is an interpretation of life. of the experiences of an artist.
it's quite amazing that whatever that an artist has experienced flows out into the art that he/she produces.
recently did a video on a missionary who passed away. as I edited the video... I found myself adding words that I had lived the last month when Kang Fei passed away of leukaemia. I wrote via the video " May her life... and death... continue to inspire us on...".
Wow. just so amazed.
it's quite amazing that whatever that an artist has experienced flows out into the art that he/she produces.
recently did a video on a missionary who passed away. as I edited the video... I found myself adding words that I had lived the last month when Kang Fei passed away of leukaemia. I wrote via the video " May her life... and death... continue to inspire us on...".
Wow. just so amazed.
I can fail.
"Don't be afraid of failure. Have the courage to try things, to experience.
From our failures, we learn lessons and gain experiences which we should treasure because they make us a more complete if not better, person."
Ruth Soh, Singaporean Photographer
Dare to fail. Been having some knocks recently and starting to try some new things. Failing just makes me feel lousy about myself. Have to keep reminding myself that it is human to err. Have to keep reminding myself I'm loved even though I fail.
The strange irony is that failing or having weaknesses, does not make us less, but more. When we learn and just get better at doing it.
I'm loved. No matter what. I can fail.
From our failures, we learn lessons and gain experiences which we should treasure because they make us a more complete if not better, person."
Ruth Soh, Singaporean Photographer
Dare to fail. Been having some knocks recently and starting to try some new things. Failing just makes me feel lousy about myself. Have to keep reminding myself that it is human to err. Have to keep reminding myself I'm loved even though I fail.
The strange irony is that failing or having weaknesses, does not make us less, but more. When we learn and just get better at doing it.
I'm loved. No matter what. I can fail.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Gratified frustrations
life is funny. sometimes i want to do something. for a long while. someone it just never happens. and the trustration mounts. and one day you finally get to do it. and wow. gratification.
glad i did the beef stew today. yumz yumz.
glad i bladed yesterday.
glad i can drink yakult now (used to fall sick everytime i drank it when i was a kid)
its GREAT!!!!!!!!
glad i did the beef stew today. yumz yumz.
glad i bladed yesterday.
glad i can drink yakult now (used to fall sick everytime i drank it when i was a kid)
its GREAT!!!!!!!!
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Finding myself
Watched "The Last Samurai" and found myself being moved by the display of emotions.
I realised I had changed.
Really used to be clinical, efficient - maybe its a way to protect my self, to reduce my vulnerability. Maybe I had to deny my emotions to survive in the business studies and media world. But now, I am emphatising, identifying and in my head, its the emotions that run through as I looked at each character. Maybe its because I'm delving more and more into film etc... and its really impacting lifes by moving emotions.
Wow. Thank you, God. I'm glad to have grown. Balance between pragmatism and being 'arty-farty'. Now I really think that arts and the music are really important. Have been programmed all my life to think that science and business reigns. Science and business are kings. They will help you earn a lot of money and get ahead in life. Arts, music etc are looked down upon as secondary, non-profit luxuries and NON-ESSENTIAL.
How wrong. A soul will wither and die without the nourishment of the arts. Music, dance, art, history, literature shows us who we are. It soothes and speaks to us beyond pragmatism. It makes us humane. It points to the fact that humans are NOT robots and machines. I have concluded that arts and music are totally ESSENTIAL. They are tenets and are also integral to our being. How poor someone is if the person only lives to make money or to gain more possessions!
Am glad to journey through this and found this balance. How sad I have looked down on my gifts and talents and my desires to enjoy the arts and music. How often I have wondered that my art will not make any impact. And that arts and music are just luxuries, excessiveness, unimportant, non-feasible and non-essential. How wrong have I been! Arts and music are such an important part of my life and it exists to reflect the beauty and glory of the Creator whom all creative energy flow. That arts and music speak to the soul and has the power to stir, soothe, touch, inspire and energize. That arts and music are expressions of self reflections, individuality and diversity. There is so much power in arts and music.
Am glad I'm embracing me. No more suppression, no more suspicion or guilt but freedom to soak, express and soar. I'm glad I took the step out.
I realised I had changed.
Really used to be clinical, efficient - maybe its a way to protect my self, to reduce my vulnerability. Maybe I had to deny my emotions to survive in the business studies and media world. But now, I am emphatising, identifying and in my head, its the emotions that run through as I looked at each character. Maybe its because I'm delving more and more into film etc... and its really impacting lifes by moving emotions.
Wow. Thank you, God. I'm glad to have grown. Balance between pragmatism and being 'arty-farty'. Now I really think that arts and the music are really important. Have been programmed all my life to think that science and business reigns. Science and business are kings. They will help you earn a lot of money and get ahead in life. Arts, music etc are looked down upon as secondary, non-profit luxuries and NON-ESSENTIAL.
How wrong. A soul will wither and die without the nourishment of the arts. Music, dance, art, history, literature shows us who we are. It soothes and speaks to us beyond pragmatism. It makes us humane. It points to the fact that humans are NOT robots and machines. I have concluded that arts and music are totally ESSENTIAL. They are tenets and are also integral to our being. How poor someone is if the person only lives to make money or to gain more possessions!
Am glad to journey through this and found this balance. How sad I have looked down on my gifts and talents and my desires to enjoy the arts and music. How often I have wondered that my art will not make any impact. And that arts and music are just luxuries, excessiveness, unimportant, non-feasible and non-essential. How wrong have I been! Arts and music are such an important part of my life and it exists to reflect the beauty and glory of the Creator whom all creative energy flow. That arts and music speak to the soul and has the power to stir, soothe, touch, inspire and energize. That arts and music are expressions of self reflections, individuality and diversity. There is so much power in arts and music.
Am glad I'm embracing me. No more suppression, no more suspicion or guilt but freedom to soak, express and soar. I'm glad I took the step out.
literally non-literal
Read this book "Tangerine" by Colin Cheong. What a book! It was really a pleasant read. The last local book I enjoyed was teenage textbook? or maybe something by Catherine Lim. Just thoroughly enjoyed the book. Haven't had the luxury to read fiction for quite a while. I really seldom pick up fiction. Its a) hard to find something non-soppy/sensational/trashy b) takes too long too read c) americanised. But "Tangerine" was right up my alley. a) it was a travelogue ( I love dialogues/self-reflections while travelling. That's why "Motorcycle diaries" and "Lost in Translation" and "Before sunrise/sunset" are in my A-list of movies b) it was short and easy to read c) it was thoroughly local. The last book I read was teenage textbook? Maybe I read Catherine Lim in between but I think teenage textbook and now tangerine really struck chords in my heart. It was real heartening to identify with the experiences I grew up with, with the character in the book - staying in hostel, being told to pursue the Singapore dream etc while also enjoying another country that I love - Vietnam.
The book was held with one thread - Tangerines. Where it is the character, 'Nick's way of connecting with the locals. When a girl tried to sell him tangerines when he already had a bag full, he replied no. okok... love tis excerpt: "No, thank you, you're very kind, he said, in a gentle a voice as he could, hoping that even if she did no understand his words, she would understand the tone."
At this point I stopped. Many themes ran across the book that caught my attention. But this particular sentence really spoke something to me. I think I've been a ruthlessly efficient and also very straightforward person. WYSIWYG. But in that midst, I think I've missed out on the subtleties in life, holistic thinking and artistic renditions/ interpretations in life. Maybe its the business training. Total pragmatism. But now, moving into video/images/ art forms, I can't help but notice subtleties, nuances, undercurrents, sub-themes. Things that are not CLINICAL but ORGANIC and HUMANE. Wow. What a joy and revelation. I think I will still remain straightforward, but learn to appreciate the beauty in totality.
The book was held with one thread - Tangerines. Where it is the character, 'Nick's way of connecting with the locals. When a girl tried to sell him tangerines when he already had a bag full, he replied no. okok... love tis excerpt: "No, thank you, you're very kind, he said, in a gentle a voice as he could, hoping that even if she did no understand his words, she would understand the tone."
At this point I stopped. Many themes ran across the book that caught my attention. But this particular sentence really spoke something to me. I think I've been a ruthlessly efficient and also very straightforward person. WYSIWYG. But in that midst, I think I've missed out on the subtleties in life, holistic thinking and artistic renditions/ interpretations in life. Maybe its the business training. Total pragmatism. But now, moving into video/images/ art forms, I can't help but notice subtleties, nuances, undercurrents, sub-themes. Things that are not CLINICAL but ORGANIC and HUMANE. Wow. What a joy and revelation. I think I will still remain straightforward, but learn to appreciate the beauty in totality.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Flawed perfection
I watch Desperate Housewives and laugh at the lady (I-can't-remember-her-name) who strives so hard to be perfect. I cringe but do I treat myself somewhat like that?
I've been thinking... have I been avoiding expression just because I'm not perfect? Have been quite ashamed of my 5 cents and 10 cents marks on my skin due to eczema. Always thought I needed to be perfect before I could wear skirts. When my skin was tamer that day, I just wore one. Heh... sure felt free. Felt lesser that I cannot dive due to my sinus. Felt lesser that my stamina is not great due to my asthma and ankle injury. Felt blah that I am not the extreme sports kind though I love it. There's always this part of me that resonates with little mermaid. That I want to be somewhere else, someone else.
Think I'm still on this journey of embracing myself fully. My weaknesses and flaws. Not there yet. But I hope soon. I'm feeling freeer. Think when I fully embrace myself, I can embrace other people too and allow them to be who they are.
I've been thinking... have I been avoiding expression just because I'm not perfect? Have been quite ashamed of my 5 cents and 10 cents marks on my skin due to eczema. Always thought I needed to be perfect before I could wear skirts. When my skin was tamer that day, I just wore one. Heh... sure felt free. Felt lesser that I cannot dive due to my sinus. Felt lesser that my stamina is not great due to my asthma and ankle injury. Felt blah that I am not the extreme sports kind though I love it. There's always this part of me that resonates with little mermaid. That I want to be somewhere else, someone else.
Think I'm still on this journey of embracing myself fully. My weaknesses and flaws. Not there yet. But I hope soon. I'm feeling freeer. Think when I fully embrace myself, I can embrace other people too and allow them to be who they are.
Maintenance
Hmm... guess when you get older you get wiser?? And journeying with God just makes me freeer!
Haiz... I think I've been living for moments. Maybe I just get bored too easily. Maybe I like to run away. Maybe I've been cooped up at home too much in my teenage years by force. Maybe its my personality. That I like the one-ofs highs but not the maintenance kinda of stuff. Maybe I like to see things round off, be completed and never having to GO BACK and do the same stuff again.
But once again... Life has its lessons. Ha. The ebbs and flows of life includes having to do your laundry, having to pack my messy-when-I-am-busy room, sorting out the paperwork, billing my clients and what nots.
I seldom cook (excluding the maggi mee or soba kinda meals) and whenever I do, I'll always try something new. Ha. Sigh. Maybe I should try to cook something twice. Ha.
Guess I'm learning to balance and to discipline. Not too bad... I've been faithfully putting moisturiser before I sleep. Now... let me work on my retainers... ha... and eye cream. And flossing.
Maybe I just never took my body seriously. Hmm... maybe I have always thought it is less important. Maybe I have not embraced my body. The I-think-I-have-too-big-hips and my eczema... and asthma... and sinus... shortsightedness... crooked teeth.... the list goes on. I think I must learn to love myself. Fully. Embrace the good and also the bad. To love myself fully for who I am. With the flaws.
Haiz... I think I've been living for moments. Maybe I just get bored too easily. Maybe I like to run away. Maybe I've been cooped up at home too much in my teenage years by force. Maybe its my personality. That I like the one-ofs highs but not the maintenance kinda of stuff. Maybe I like to see things round off, be completed and never having to GO BACK and do the same stuff again.
But once again... Life has its lessons. Ha. The ebbs and flows of life includes having to do your laundry, having to pack my messy-when-I-am-busy room, sorting out the paperwork, billing my clients and what nots.
I seldom cook (excluding the maggi mee or soba kinda meals) and whenever I do, I'll always try something new. Ha. Sigh. Maybe I should try to cook something twice. Ha.
Guess I'm learning to balance and to discipline. Not too bad... I've been faithfully putting moisturiser before I sleep. Now... let me work on my retainers... ha... and eye cream. And flossing.
Maybe I just never took my body seriously. Hmm... maybe I have always thought it is less important. Maybe I have not embraced my body. The I-think-I-have-too-big-hips and my eczema... and asthma... and sinus... shortsightedness... crooked teeth.... the list goes on. I think I must learn to love myself. Fully. Embrace the good and also the bad. To love myself fully for who I am. With the flaws.
The unseen
"I run on the road long before I dance under the lights" - Muhammad Ali
In our celebrity-crazed society... people want to see the wine and not the threshing. People want success fast. Impatience. Sigh. have I lived under the i want it i want it now syndrome??
Life is also about sowing and reaping. Sowing can be mundane and boring at times. But essential.
Like how Brad Bird brought out the contrast between the mundane and being a superhero in the Incredibles.
Life is real. Not in a bubble. Faith and hope do not rest on a plane that is genie like. Dreams do not JUST happen. Takes a combination. The hand of God reigns sovereign, willingness, dilligence, hard work needs to follow. Dreams are not hollow. But fleshed out.
The price needs to be paid. Wake up, generation.
In our celebrity-crazed society... people want to see the wine and not the threshing. People want success fast. Impatience. Sigh. have I lived under the i want it i want it now syndrome??
Life is also about sowing and reaping. Sowing can be mundane and boring at times. But essential.
Like how Brad Bird brought out the contrast between the mundane and being a superhero in the Incredibles.
Life is real. Not in a bubble. Faith and hope do not rest on a plane that is genie like. Dreams do not JUST happen. Takes a combination. The hand of God reigns sovereign, willingness, dilligence, hard work needs to follow. Dreams are not hollow. But fleshed out.
The price needs to be paid. Wake up, generation.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)