vastness. tenderness. closeness

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might
Know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked
With my maker's fingerprints?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever will I seek You

'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You
Capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives
To glorify one name?

Re-store

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; not throwing out anyone."

This quote came at a right time. These few months... I've seen restoration in myself and many others... because of a fresh wave of love and community.

As we walk through life... we get knocked over, tumble over rocks, slip and sometimes fall on our face. To get up to walk again, with bruises all over is hard. But with reinforcements, unexpected people coming to care again, to nurse the wounds, restores. Its not the physical that needs healing only, but also the emotions. Like how Jesus healed the woman with the issue of the blood. Not just her sickness. But also the hurt of the isolation from the exclusion from her community. She expected him to condemn her. Yet He called her daughter. Wow.

I feel like I'm soaring. Had been crawling in the mud. Trying to walk tall and got slammed to the mud. I feel new strength. I feel new wings. Hope is full. Once again.

Thank you Papa God... for the friends you've sent... to pour oil into the wounds, to stand beside me, to support me, to love me for who I am, not what I do. Thank you for the restoration. Thank you for the streams flowing in the desert. Thank you for the crocus that blooms in the deserted lands. Looking forward to more...

LIVE.

feel amazed

was videoing LIVE for the first time...

quite awed by the responsibility... it really is so fun... to see how a little action is projected on screen and to 3 other venues together affecting a couple of thousand people. Wow. What a privilege.

thankful. may seem like repititive drudgery to others, but it REALLY was fun to me! Ha!

Now I understand why my friend posts his techie/systems photos online... because he really is excited about it... ah.... I'm getting it...

And I think I appreciate background people more now... the accounts and admin people, the techy people... there really is much dignity in such work....

This is my portion... so glad i have a siphoned portion... and also a nice high chair to sit on.. heh... happy with my black jacket too... so I can wear colours and just throw the jacket over!!! Ha...
Overall... I'm glad... I like the speaker too...Enjoyed my work LOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How nice, to like your work...

Once upon a time

hmm... our lives are a continuation made up of many moments in time...

cooked a full dinner for two families... colleagues who became friends, an ex-boss that became a mentor and father figure, whose family touches my heart lots.

sigh... do miss him and the family too... though i get to see the wife at work and still be in touch with the family... hmm... just miss the nonsensical chats and also the deep conversations... and of course the need to front people and projects more (used to just hide behind)...

but oh well... life's like that... we just can't be stuck in that one moment in time... well... looking on the bright side... at least we had a blast. It really was a great time... really enjoyed all of us being as a team for 1.5 years. But when the snow melts, its time for flowers to bloom, when the leaves fall, its time for snow... the flowers don't protest when the snow melts nor the snow refuse to form when the leaves fall. Guess with changes is that when it comes, we move on to do what we need to. But of course... taking time to enjoy what was... to remember...and to gather hope for the what is to come.

Gathering ... &... Letting go...

An excerpt from a story (gold box of joys and black box of sorrows):

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."

Learning to let go..... .... ... ... ... ... ...

=)

lalalalala

I just want to paint now...

So many dreams... looking forward to the day I see them fulfilled...

I want to be a font artist. A video installation artist. A visual DJ. A composer. I want to collaborate with fellow artists and lots more...

Dream dream dream...

Dream dream dream...

Language of Photography

Understood more things tonight.

One of those explosive nights... when you come alive... discussing ideas... throwing arguments to and fro... hearing varied perspectives... from the arty, to the layman, to the literal from the different attitudes and demographics... boy! Do I miss school! I just love this free flow of ideas, thoughts and discourse... makes me feel alive! Reminds me of literature classes... and GP classes... just that it's more fun now... with the topics closer to my heart...

I understand more... the differences between photos taken by the respective genders due to our make up and social and historical context. Today I see new things. That men tend to take vast, spatial pix... because they were made for adventure above all. That women drew out emotions of longing and love and the intimacy of/with the subjects because of our innate desire to be loved, pursued and our nature to nurture. That's more in general. There are times when the hunger for adventure is revealed through a woman's lenses. Or a moment of softness via a man's. But how our general make up shows through...even our lenses...

Also the privileges of being a woman photographer now... more access and trust given...

I like what the speaker brought up about mirrorring... how Julia Margaret Cameron's pix often used mirrors (for practical needs like lighting) but also the deeper meaning of that. That within the camera were mirrors. Literally and nonliterally... the mirrors... seek to mirror... either the real self or the projected self. And taking your own pix... a reversal self portrait. And taking pix in a certain style... reflects who you are...

Lots of food for thought... glad to discover new gems and be affirmed that the female voice is beautiful and worth listening to.

looking at the big pix

Spoke to a friend today. She said something that painted a pix of life for me. She saw Monet's Water Lilies in NY and up close, she just saw the strokes that did not make much sense. Only when she stood back, she saw the big picture. Wow.

That struck a chord. Many times, our lives and the events in our lifes... are too close... and we just see the strokes. Also like seeing the threads. But when we step back, we can see the whole picture literally and the woven cloth.

Just glad my life is not some random existence but in the Hands of a Creator who painted the earth, and paints my life... that at the end of it, I can see the whole picture.

Separate Togetherness

Interesting night.

Learning... to be together... yet separate...

Learning to release and embrace...

Creative tensions seem harder... but that's also how history mixes with the present to create the future.

Awed.

Beauty Sleeping.

Haha... just watched Sleeping beauty... heh...

I think I enjoy it now than I used to.. after watching Shrek... with all the spoofs... the parodies... and also the idiomatic imagery I would not have picked up when I was a kid... things like 'sword fish' and 'climbing over your head' ... i seriously think that cartoons / animations are made by adults who just are totally kids at heart!

And with this retro thing (how we move forward, yet look backward for familliarity)... watching 2D cartoons are quite refreshing... they are truly an art on their own. And they were outstanding at their time. The old school fonts, the knights' badge... all apparent in our modern day 'vintage' craze. Ha. Recycling I suppose. The opening scene was excellent! How 2D simulated 3D... with the perspective well positioned... awesome piece of work!

hmm... i think of all the princesses, sleeping beauty's character was the least developed as she *uh-hum* slept when most of the action was going on. I think the main characters were the fairy godmothers. Who mothered. Who blundered (so human) and who bravely faced the enemy and help defeat her. They deserve the Oscars!!!


I know why I used to hate fairy tales (it's a miracle that I even bother to watch them now!) ... coz as you grow in life... you get hurt, offended, disappointed, angry and cynical towards life. My GP teacher used to tell me I was too cynical for my age. Ha! Yah right! Happy endings... true love... after meeting for a short while... dreams... and the women... so weak... just waiting to fall into the arms of the prince. I think I probably could have been good friends with Grumpy from Snow White. But I've changed. I've softened. By Perfect Beauty. That there WILL BE a happy ending... when He wins at the end of it all... and knowing after these few years... that dreams DO come true... desires are treasured and are met...how I'm fought for and rescued... that I'm not weak... but strong... I like princess Fiona. She's my favourite princess. Vulnerable. Yet with so much spunk. Loving. Yet with so much fire and passion. Ha.... not the stereotypical princess...

Funny how stereotypes don't change after all these years... light green to depict evil (colour coding)... comical characters are normally plump and silly compared to the slim and handsome main character (no wonder Shrek and Fiona! LOL!)... prince charming riding on a WHITE horse... before the transformation, all the princesses were in grey drapes... ha...

Ok ok... my final thoughts after watching this whole series of classics...
1. I have new found respect for Cinderella most and a little of Snow white... who when treated badly or had to do 'lowly' things... maintained their grace and composure. Followed by Belle who sacrificed herself to stand in for the father. Sleeping beauty... hmm... not really... ha. But the only good thing she stood for...is how we have beauty within... and it needs to be awakened.

2. Our life or things don't just exist like that. There is a lineage. There was a past and there will be a future. The present is what others had fought for and laid down in the past. The future is what at present, we are fighting for and laying down. There is a beginning and an end.

And they lived... happily... ever after... =)

Surprised. Speechless. Stunned.

there are days when the sky is blue. clear blue.

when the storms pass, the sorrows fade and a new day dawns.

hope. security. a new season.

love fills. love washes away. love grants hope. love fuels the journey ahead. love restores. love refreshes. love waters a weary soul.

never felt so loved my entire life. that' i'm worth it. that people love me for who I am, not what I do. People who care for what is on my heart. People who know the pain and love me to healing. People who support and cherish me. People who value what is precious to me.

Boy... I'm starting to tear again...Thank you my precious friends...