new perspective. new angles.

i think people become depressed because they can't see things in a more positive perspective.

glad i'm lifted up from my discouragement, disappointments and dents.

had a great retreat. reminded to travel light. reminded of His goodness and plans. reminded of family to go through with me. and most of all, thank God He restored my soul.

transformation occurs. these few days are NEW. no longer being down, low or having repeated negative thoughts. but new thoughts and rationales for my season. the thoughts are also from an entirely opposite perspective. interesting...

i think i'm going through a season of fallowing. there are times of reaping and sowing. but there is also a season of fallowing. the inactivity is actually a preparation period of refertilisation and restoring, so that the land can bear more fruit in the long run. Wow. Felt comforted when this thought came. Made a lot of sense of what is happening this whole long year. Feel more at ease now. If not, I just want to go back to what is familliar - the shovels, the wheelbarrows. But now I know, not now.

a fresh new thought came too... that what I thought was loss to me is actually gain in other ways. Quoting Geraldine Soh, a Singaporean Illustrator "I had no playmates and not many toys, so I spent most of my time drawing." Wow. I kept looking back at my growing up years and struggle that because I didn't have money and also of my family situation, I was deprived of many things and skills. Struggled for years. Realised now that perhaps the forced time at home was a breeding ground for my art, my honing in my skills in craft etc. And the adversities produced a strength that money cannot buy and established a faith and relationship with God, that is not easily shaken.

I suppose also that that for those who had little, when given more, are more thankful compared to those who always had plenty. Like how I've been living on borrowed cameras. When friends lend me their Digi SLRs, Videocameras, CF cards, give me a lomo, I'm really really thankful.

Something I've learnt during the retreat was this - that too many times we don't affirm ourselves but keep telling ourselves that we need to do better and better and better. I think I'm learning to be happy where I am, be satisfied more. And stop wishing I had a better figure, more money, better skills but for where I am, the journey I've been through and going through, it is good enough.

learning to accept myself.