Death and Life. Die and Live.

Deaths are always sobering.

They make you think of life. Strange huh? Perhaps its the contrast. Perhaps its the lack.

Deaths are never easy.

But they are always impactful.

Never understood much why a respected friend of mine died years ago. He was a fine young man in his 30's. Passionate about God. Passionate about people. Had a lovely wife. A lovely smile. Could not understand His story.

I think it is sealed now. Today I fully understand. A church friend, merely 22, just went Home. Am new to this church, barely know him. But seen him before leukaemia and after. Heard much about him - from a AC brat transformed to a humble servant of Christ. Loving Him, loving His people. Yet he lived his transformed days in total surrender - living and now dying to magnify Him. A life not lived for himself or his own agenda. A life lived for a Person and cause much much bigger than himself. That in death, life springs. Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground, there will not be a spreading of seeds. Believe my friend who died years ago, left a legacy that can never be replaced. His death planted new life and resolute in many who knew Him. His dream to see people reconciled to God lives on. In all of our hearts. Perhaps in death, it is one of the ways our passion gets passed on. Just like the torch in the Olympics, something has to be burnt, so that it can be lit. So that people can see the light. So that people can run behind the vision.

Maybe those who don't believe in Christ think we are mad. Celebrate? Joyful? Yes. That's because we know our destination. Earth is just a temporary residence. I have a mansion prepared for me (hope it has orange walls!). Death is actually a beginning. To be with Someone whom we love and have followed and have so longed to see. Believe my friends are enjoying themselves and cheering us on to run this race. To run with a vision, to persevere, to press on, to pick ourselves up when we fall.

Have been mucking around regrets, unfulfilled desires, dissatisfaction, anger, burning against all that has befalled upon me. And the limitations, the pain and the discomfort I have to go through. The daily battles. The tears. The struggles. But yes, through this death, I've pressed in deeper. Thinking, reading, praying deeper.

His grace IS sufficient for me. In the loneliness, in the pain, in the questions. His power is made perfect in my weaknesses. When I'm down and out, when I fear, when I feel I can't. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships. My own inabilities, my own restrictions, my own limitations, things that I cannot control or dictate. For when I am weak, then I am strong. That in these areas, He gets the maximum glory.

O my soul, arise and praise. Arise and walk in courage. Arise and climb on. Lord lift me up, that I may stand. By faith on heaven's table land. A higher plane, than I have gone. Lord, plant my feet on higher ground.

I need to let go of all the regrets, stop lamenting about the loss of years, stop being angry with myself or circumstances and start surrendering my life in His hands, looking forward and courageously face the things I fear most. Trusting His heart in all these, He is glorified most. In that, I will be most satisfied. That even if I die tomorrow, I have lived well. My life was not wasted.