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Wow. Its been a week of revelations, encounters with my Father. Am so transformed. Renewed. At the funerals. At a conference. It was not the material or the speakers. But it was Him. Who answered questions. Who challenged me. Who reminded me who I am. Soothed the disappointments. Pour new fuel. Clean the wounds. Revive passion. Removes cynicism. Brings new hope. Restores faith. To run on. Reminds me that He holds everything in His hands. Tells me that He loves me. That He cares. Asks me to be satisfied in Him. And not wander anymore. But be here. Be content. Be satisfied. In all He is.

Yes, in being satisfied in Him means I will be satisfied with who I am, where I am, what I am doing. That all I am, all I have, all that I enjoy, the relationships I have, revolve around him.

Feel the strength coming back today. The confidence to do my work. The confidence to be myself. The confidence to bless. The joy to bless. The joy to share. The vibrance. The passion.

I'm thankful. That in this suffering and pain, He speaks. That through the regrets, disappointments, anger, angst, struggles, this season of vulnerability and lostness, He shows up. He shows me who He is. He shows me that He is sovereign. He shows me that He is the master of the universe. Yet He also shows me His love. His tenderness. His gentleness.

I see myself. My weaknesses. My failings. How easily distracted I am. My fears. How I stick my head in the sand like an ostrich. How I shrink away. How much I want things my way. How shallow I am. How my righteousness are but mere rags. How I can just walk around the desert. How limited I am. How little love I have. How much I cannot love. How I can turn angry. How I can turn unforgiving and bitter. How I can hurt the people I love because I can't walk beyond my own hurt. I am nothing.

But I have Him. Him who loves me and the people a zillion times more than I do. I find myself loving people that in my own strength and understanding, I can NEVER love. I was surprised at the power within me. To even talk to some people. That in those conversations, God came out. Not me. If it was me, I'll run away. Its not me who lives, but Christ who lives in me.

God, thank you. At this low point in my life, when I do not understand it all, when everything feels like it had fallen apart, you are here. You love me. That in this whole week, I found answers, tasted your goodness, to feel like I'm pieced together again. To feel that the murky waters are turning clear. To see river Jordan lowering in level. To have the certainty that YOU ARE SOVEREIGN. YOU ARE ON THE THRONE. YOU HOLD MY LIFE. Every piece. My past. My present. My future.

There is NO ONE else but you. Like you. You are unique. Holy, Holy, Holy, is the Lord God Almighty.