Normalizing.

i think blogging helps me to normalize.

i really feel very strange adjusting back to singapore. met a friend for work and to catch up just now. and then after she went back to office... i was left walking around... wanted to go to Carrefour to pick up tuna and bread but was just too tired too. sigh... not back into the swing of cooking yet. want to, but feel tired. Listening to her is like listening to the practical singaporean mantra too...

yeah. i feel tired. i feel weird. i feel like singapore is so distant. i'm trying to resist the pressures of needing to get more, be more, be accomplished, on top of the game, being seen, being attractive etc. guess its easier when its another country or culture... where these 'rules' don't apply. My JC teacher wrote in my report book that I normally work on my own pace, unfazed by pressure. Ha. Yeah... sometimes I'm free sometimes I'm not. I want to be totally free.

feel like i'm floating... feel like i'm in limbo... feel like my feet is not on the ground yet... i think i adjust to a new place faster than adjusting back. i dunno why but cleaning my toilet, doing laundry and packing my room and my stuff makes me feel more settled. I've been hiding in my room quite a lot, don't feel like talking to my parents much. Just want to be quiet, by myself... Guess I've been out a lot.

Going to the gym today was weird too. I feel like I'm back but not really back. Hmm... I think I need another week (hopefully) to normalize. Think I took a few weeks last year to adjust back after my 3 week Australia trip. Ha.

perhaps the hardest thing is to face the things that were left behind... and now to deal with again. so much resistance. needing to let go of somethings & people, being patient with some situations and looking forward to new things. yeah...

but thankful that there was enough Grace for today... smses from friends, a MSN conversation from a father figure from down under, a catch up time with a dear friend whom I've not seen a long time, a nice green dress to wear to work, yummy waffle treat and getting rubber bands for hair from Cotton On at a steal. I felt like I was in Australia. Ha.

i think the human heart is so full of yearnings, longings... indeed... we have eternity carved into our hearts. but first... let me get through tonight... then tomorrow... life can be good and be better. I'm glad I have some Hope.